“50 is the new 30” people told me. “You are only as old as you feel,” they said. Meanwhile I really hated becoming what I called, “a half of a century” (sounds really bad right?). For weeks, even months, approaching my 50th birthday, I struggled. No matter what I did, I couldn’t break out of the “Turning 50 funk.”
The downward spiral continued due to, of all things, a Bible verse! Specifically, Psalm 90:12 that says, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Unfortunately, I took the verse literally. I surmised that if the average male lived to the age of 75 in my county, that means that I had (give or take, preferably the latter) 9,125 days left on the planet. Put like that it sucks.
With that I began to review my life. First I thought a lot about what I’ve done versus what I should’ve done. I also wrestled with where I’ve been versus where I should be. And I realized that what I thought I knew, I didn’t and how I thought it all should turn out hasn’t.
The responsibility solely lay on my shoulders for not making the most of it. I beat myself up pretty good. After all, you would think that I would have known better. I have officiated at well over 1800 funerals and have thus been given a lot of opportunities to observe the brevity of life.
Then two things happened that shook me out of it. A turning point of sorts. Interestingly enough it was two deaths. One was a man who served as a Deacon in our church for more years than I can count. The other was the drummer in our band who I had known for over 15 years. The former was in his seventies the latter, 57. I think reality hit – I’m not even guaranteed those 9,125 days.
So I decided that it was time to go to work and change the things I could.
First, I’m working on becoming more accepting and less judgmental. Every person I meet is one for whom Christ died. Just because they look or sound different than me doesn’t make me better than them. We’re all in the same boat, sinners sorely need of a Savior.
Second, I’m trying to forgive more easily. One person said that holding on to bitterness is “like taking a drink of poison and expecting the other person to die.” Not forgiving people who have wronged me only hurts me. And not forgiving me when I fall short does the same thing. Freedom is only found in forgiveness.
Third, I understand that relationships are more important than rules. I’m not saying we shouldn’t follow the rules but rules should never be more important than people. The church is supposed to operate on relationship not rules. My life should be lived by that same principle. Isn’t that what Jesus taught with the great commandments?
Finally, I’m discovering that everything counts whether I count it or not. It’s what I do with it that really matters. So it’s imperative to do what’s important and to embrace each moment as a gift. Even the bad experiences of my life and my own poor decisions have made me who I am. While I would not want to repeat them, I wouldn’t change what I’ve learned for anything.
I realize now, a few months into 50, that everything that I’ve done and everything that’s happened to me is part of the ongoing story that is still being written. The great part is that the God of the universe is at the keyboard helping me to create the final chapters. Now, I’m actually looking forward to the next 9125 days.
